Hey hey hello !

What's an amazing day huh? So here am I, sitting alone in a park at KLCC, bringing all my stuffs and having fun with myself. With the mode of airplane turning on on my phone, I at least could free myself from anything that I've been waiting or seeking for - well at least. I've been in so much depression lately, just when everything had been settled down I know that I deserve a kinda get away and a kind of 'reward' to myself for has done better in the last week's assigned task. I finished my group assignment with Hadif and we were the first group that submitted the assignment (thanks to me though, Hadif was so busy with orientation stuffs and he was the event manager, just know...), I was the first person that submitted the Business Ethics's report and has done that damn presentation and I've done my best for our booth on Entrepreneurship Day. And.. Not to forget, I've done my part for the Entrepreneurship subject's report the first. I achieved my week's goal without any procrastination. It was a really hectic week; that's why I know I deserve something for myself. No one ain't gonna celebrate it for you unless you yourself right? Never think that you are a princess that always has someone that will do it for you. When you think deserve it, just do it :)

Sigh. However.. There is still something that still haunted me when I am alone.

I don't know if it is just me or anyone else also does. When I am alone, I keep going back and forth to the days where I missed a lot. They say, stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it. It's been a year ago ended. But.. I keep on glanced back tot the old days because no one is ever getting me to the same exact place and give affection the same to me. Why don't anyone put effort like how you did to me. Why don't anyone make me feel wanted like how you did to me. Why. Why do I must feel like I am the only one that show how much I want them, but no one put effort to make me feel they are doing the same? Why don't anyone make me feel like I am what they're looking for? Why don't anyone appreciate my existence like how you did? Why do I lost you. Okay enough Sepia, that's stupid.

In the middle of the night when I can't sleep, I force myself to cry. I 'll cry so hard so that my eyes will become so heavy, only then I can sleep. I am weird you think? Ikr. Yeah, that's how it is. That time I started to regret on everything; everyone I met, anything I gave, everything that I sacrificed, etc... I started to miss you like fuck. I started to open back the old conversations, the book that I keep everything. I played the playlist that you gave. I reminisced everything. I realized, I put unintentional smile even though I was crying. Everything seems so wonderful, amazing and happy. But, maybe happy things just came once. When they're gone, they're gone. But memories stays right? Sometimes I do feel like I wanna be someone new. I kinda wanna pray please god, make something crash my head and I'll lost the memories and will forget everyone. So I can be a new person. New innocent people, never understand what is love, what is feelings. Then I will start to learn everything over again without knowing that I knew that thing :') Okay that is stupid for the second time !

I've been here since the very morning. We never yet being here, I remembered you said we'll go on Petrosains together someday, so whenever I saw that place, I think of you. There is so much things that we planned to do together, but because we are so temporary, they're buried. Never mind, I went there already. Forgive me. I might have said things that aren't exactly the way that I feel.  I told you I'd be strong, I said that I've moved on, but.. It doesn't take long to realize that I am not over you.

Okaylah. Sampai sini je la. Kang ternangis pulak tengah ramai ramai lalu lalang ni. Wanna hunt some foods. It's time for my lunch and will have some therapy for a while before going back :) Have a pleasant day everyone!

-sepia 11.25 a.m, KLCC park, 22/4/2017-



Older Post | Newer Post