I'm tired . Tired of not being a real me , just to please everyone . I'm tired of keep putting mask on my disappointed face . I'm tired of hiding tears in front of people that never want to understand that I'm crying inside . I'm tired of convincing myself to be tough . Seriously this is more than tiring . I'm a human . A normal human . A human that was created by god with FEELINGS . SAME LIKE YOU GUYS . But , what makes us different is that , you've never been in my situations and you never thought of putting yourself in my situations sometimes .

YOU FORGOT that I have feelings . YOU FORGOT that I know how does 'sad feeling' feels like . YOU FORGOT that I know how does 'lonely' feeling feels like. YOU FORGOT that I understand your language too . YOU FORGOT that I understand your 'sarcastic' and hidden message from your mouth . It burst me into tears deep inside when every time you said "just four five six of us" when there was only me there that isn't one of you . I never asked to be one of you but I DESERVE TO BE UNDERSTAND BY PEOPLES that I HAVE FEELINGS . I've get tired of convincing myself to get sabar since I'm the oldest among you . Keep on tolerate every time when it actually hurts me a lot . Don't you remember that all of us have our own limit and at some point we're gonna burst when we cannot hold it in our heart anymore ? Why would you find me when you need something ? Am I a people that you can take for granted easily ? I don't want to feel in that way but it is how it comes to me .

 I ask you , WHY YOU FORGOT THAT I AM A HUMAN TOO ?

 I never ask you to respect me as kakak but respect me as human . If you don't want to be treated like how you treat me then change it . You know already , today you did it on me , some day people will do it on you . They said what goes around comes around . The earth that we lived on it itself is sphere and keep rotating . Every life of each humans start and ends on it . And so , life also goes round and round 💅🏻 Keep rotating to new phases and at some point , they will go back to the point where they've been there and then same thing reoccurring maybe different in ways it happen . Tbh , sometimes I do feel like why god doesn't give us power to easily put other people in our situations to make them feel how we feel . I feel so childish already 😑 But honestly , I've reached at the peak point where I cannot convince myself to be patient anymore with all these . It is more than enough guys . I thought I've get used to it since I was the only one that always been excluded but I was wrong 😂

Being excluded not because I choose to be alone but because peoples make me feel alone by throwing me like rubbish when you have complete group members . I am nothing when you guys are all gathered but if there is some of you that aren't there then only I'll get into the group . Well when get into the conversations , I honestly don't like to get into it . So like even if you brings me , I never be like banyak songeh so like ade ke takde ke sama je 😂😂😂 But you know 😂 Jaga hati is the first rule to be a good friend when actually the person can feel respected by the way you treat them . If you can't do that simple rule , then just don't expect others will become a good friend to you . Don't worry , I won't join you guys anymore and therefore just please stop mentioning "JUST four five six seven of us only" . Fakit . I understand already la okay 😉 and do understand that I HATE THAT WORDS pretty much 💩💩💩

Sometimes do put yourself in my place and feel it when you are the one that isn't one of the members then people says like that . Doesn't it seems so obvious that they're trying to get rid of you or actually chasing you in the way that is not directly told ? Think about it . And IDK why I'm still letting myself be with you guys . I even don't understand until today why GIRLS like to be in grouping grouping friendship 😑 Regardless where , even in Turkey also like that in Malaysia also like that 😑 

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 Being 'excluded' never makes us any better nor respected . And indeed , it is some kind of mental abuse where peoples are intentionally ignoring your presence or eliminating you from joining them . I am an INTROVERT kinda person but doesn't mean that I don't need friends . So yeah , life is indeed complicated .. Or actually I'm the one that is complicated haha . I wonder why I never make my own grouping friendship in my life 😑 I'm a girl but never LIKE the way girls make friends and somehow tbh captivated by boys' friendship . Well not all girls are like that but most of them are like that . Yeah , we need best buddies but hahaha . Make it good la , no need to hurt others please 🙄 Can't you just befriend with everyone ? 😇

 This message is brought to you by the impatient heart 💪🏻

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