Hi!

It's 1.40 a.m and couldn't sleep yet (I do feel sleepy yet there's so much thing on my mind right now and I need to clear them up, throw them off). So there is this story. But, first and foremost I'd like to apologize to anyone that could be quiet 'affected' by whatever that I am going to write right now. I just.. Need to share- just you know I am good in telling whatever came into my mind through writing. Regardless whatever way it is, as long as I am writing, I feel released and free.

It's a kind of a perfect night. The old playlist is playing. The quiet night - I can feel the serenity though even without the stars nor moon (haha). Not to forget, the perfect emotion is playing a good role tonight. Like, literally everything is so perfect tonight. I feel like conquering my own damn space, with no one else in except my soul. Thanks to financial accounting coz didn't fucked my life up today LOLXD

It was 2 days ago. I scrolled up my old conversation with Shera, purposely to find something regarding the term in chemistry since my assignment was regarding that particular term that I couldn't recalled so, by scrolling up the old conversation, hoping I'll get the answer. However, to my surprise.. I found something that was more intriguing! Guess what was it? Hahahaha.

I could say, I've moved on like positively triumphant (lol) so therefore, the old conversation could make me smile like how I first time received it. It was the very first long message that I've received from you. I love how you surprised me with such a long messages like man.. You know how much I love reading something that make me feel alive (I believe everyone does). I love every words you gave; they are lovely and so meaningful to me even though you might not meant it like how it is to me. You know where to press the right button in my life (ayat apa entah ni ghahaha). Praising and appreciation words that you gave does make me fell for you so fast. IDK I just love them all. I love surprises even a small surprise! Like a simple long text like that, a simple letter from you or any single thing you did. Effort that counted right?

I smiled and I reminisced everything beautiful with you. We were simple. you were simple. But, the affection that you gave, it makes me  realized so much things. Your motivation words when I fell makes me think in the different perspectives. I know you love writing and me too. I wrote a lot. I knew you were too. I love to read your diary. They have beautiful words. I developed a habit, I collected loads of beautiful sayings, quotes and stuffs. Not many person I knew would love to hear them all when they're in trouble. They just want to sink in their own emotions but not you. Whenever you talked, the words you spilled were so deep. Not to forget, plenty surprises you've made.. Letters.. Even though I never replied even one of them. Weh.. Honestly, I still can't run from keep searching you and hoping to found you in everyone's I know. Perhaps I will found you. Will I?

IDK until when I would act like this, I just can't stop. I love us so much. I'm not over us. But, if there's somebody that makes you feel happy, tends to your heart in, the way that I've been lacking then who am I to stand in your way :'). I won't stand in your way. No, just because I stopped waiting for you and stop hoping for you to come back, doesn't mean I still don't love us.

However, I have learned that we can't keep wild thing; there's no point of holding onto something that I don't have any assurance of. It only causes hurt - and I need to live a happier and peaceful life. I need to do this, not because of you, or even for you, but for myself. So, if gaining the best for myself means letting your 'maybes' go, then I must willing to do it. I must grab the opportunity to grow, to recover all the time that I've lost, to discover new things, to create new relationship, new engagement with others, to make wonderful memories, especially with my firends and family, to achieve the things that are ahead of me, and to become a woman I've always wanted to be.

All the tears we wept and problems that we faced, they were bridges to something more extravagant, and I truly believe in that. All the stories we made, wishes that we once clung to, plans that were thoroughly laid out, and good memories we collected, shares and treasured - they are pieces of us that no one can take away.  But, thank you so much for all the words you gave. They're still makes me happy even though you're not here anymore. They stay even you're no more here. They're still the reason for me to keep smiling and be happy. Thank you for spill them out and makes difference in my life. And yes, you left mark on me that no one could ever replace. I'll forever love you for that - in a way that I accepted you as the person who changed me, who gave me the inspiration to make myself better than before, and to love myself more. I'll love you for the friendship and companionship we've established and shared. I'll love you for the way you helped me through this cruel life. I'll love you in a way that will still leave space for you to always be a friend to me if we would ever stumble across each other even 100 years from now. I honestly feel blessed for knowing someone like you even though you just came for a while :').

Well, at least I knew someone that have that same 'deep-thought' like me. I meant, IDK. You can be a sweet-talker but not a blank-useless sweet-talker. In a way, you motivate me, you surprised me.. I love everything. Maybe I just love 'literature-kinda-people', poet or some sort of like that ghahaha. I know it sounds crazy, but I haven't yet found someone like you. I want someone like you but not you :') Is it too much?? Nah, I found a better version but still. Whatever you've done to me.. No one else ever does :) I miss receiving such a long-sweet-text suddenly. Because I feel appreciated so much in that way. The reason why I wrote back every messages that I find it is beautiful from you. I know I might need them one day to cheer me up. I'm sorry. I just can't get over us. Us. Not you. Not me. Us. 18-10-2015 -- 31-01-2016 :') I will remember. Thank you for the memories and everything.But for now, I must go. I must go.

Missing us :')
Your Ex-'best-friend'
2.25a.m

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